Hit the ground running

Well peoples, I am back! With a vengeance, hmm I do doubt it.

I had a bit of a melt down last week and for a moment I had lost all hope and drive. The voices in my head continued to battle it out, one saying 'It's so much easier being fat'. The other stating 'but you don't want to feel like this always'. Back and forth they went until it drove me crazy! Surprisingly the good won out so something must be happening.

Strike while the iron is hot they say, so off I went in search of the next fun run. Little did I know that the next run was in a few days and it was for a little ol' stroll of 5kms! The last time I ran that far was over 6 months ago and even then I was really unfit.

I found myself over the few days leading up to the run really procrastinating. If someone asked me if I was still doing it I heard myself make an uncommitted response. I could have registered via the internet but thought what if I don't make it, anything could come up? hmmm I know, I know... excuses

Saturday night my partner and I went out for dinner into the city and stayed out a little bit late. This move to stay out wasn't a conscious one but I think secretly I wanted to sleep in and not get up for the run.

Sunday morning & we are up at 6am to get to Albert Park lake for registration between 7 & 7.30am. As the morning went on & I was putting together my things to take I realized that I wasn't nervous or excited or well, anything. I had no emotion about the run at all. I have done a few fun runs and have always had butterflies in the stomach before hand.

What a beautiful morning! walking around seeing all the smiling faces, feeling the morning sun on my face, feeling the buzz in the air, I began to feel happy that I had decided to hawl my fat butt out of bed.

8.25am

Five minutes before the run is about to start and oh boy did those nerves I thought I didn't have kick in Big Time! Looking around at everyone stretching, setting up their ipods, I began to realize I was about to do this and had no way of backing out.

And we are off.. Well I ran the first 3kms without stopping at around 5 minutes a kilometre and felt really good however after that it all went down hill. I think I counted 3 times that I began to walk and the last time those evil thoughts starting creeping in..'your legs are tired, so heavy.. man its hot.. you've made it this far just walk..keep going, you can do it..noo its okay at least you tried.. AAAAGGGHHH! Turn the ipod up loud and run the rest girl..Go! The last 1.5km I ran without stopping as fast and as hard as I could stand it. I looked like I had just finished a marathon coming across the finish line!
I didn't run as fast as I would have liked but the satisfaction of completing something I started beats any race time really.
Now to keep the momentum rolling...

Not sure

Not sure if this journal is working for me

Not sure if I am still driven to keep going

Not sure if I can keep my head in the right space to do this

Weigh in Wednesday Week 3

A quick update. Today I weighed in and lost 1kg!


I am surprised because I really don't feel like anything has shifted & it certainly doesn't look like it either..?

point 4 off my first 5kg

Will check in later tonight.


Toodles x

Thurs 28th - sun 31st

Thursday
I had a day at home today as the car was in for a service. I find when I am home for a full day I end up going to the pantry and fridge more often. I seem to just do it out of habit, not because I am hungry or maybe I am hoping something yummy and delicious will suddenly appear after the 4th check.
Half hr on the treadmill today

Friday
Tonight we go out for dinner and have decided to have Japanese. It is reasonably healthy if you don't choose the Teriyaki Duck. I like it as a change to the Chinese as afterwards I don't feel as heavy.
During the day I had a Weight Watchers soup for lunch to try and keep it light to save for dinner and maybe sweets.

Pm:
Japanese restaurant was fully booked so we had to find somewhere else. We usually don't book and never had a problem before. It put a bit of a spanner in the works because I had worked out roughly what we could order that was within our 'food budget'. We found a place that had a bit of everything on the menu and chose a Seafood Marinara which I wished I hadn't of ordered as it was really buttery. I mentally divided the plate in half and only ate half. After dinner we walked a bit and then bought a small fruit sorbet.
Not too bad overall compared to past choices as usually we wouldn't think too much about what we ordered and then it would take all week for me to work off one nights splurge.

Saturday
The kids and I had another day out at the beach, driving down The Great Ocean Road.
After a swim we had salad sandwiches and water. The kids got ice cream on the way home and I had a couple of spoons from my daughters one with just a drink instead.
No exercise

Sunday (happy b'day ma)
Had already planned to go see my mum but found out she was busy so was at a loss as what to do. We ended up driving to Chadstone shopping Centre to keep out of the heat for the afternoon.
I shouldn't have but I tried on some clothes and felt yuk after the whole change room scene and nothing I had taken in with me had looked any good and was a fair way off getting past my chest!
Oh well, I know.. keep at it.
Lunch: I went the safe choice and ordered the subway again however on the way home we had Mc Donalds. I had the chicken tandoori wrap and diet coke.
45 minutes exercise

Weigh in Wednesday

We have been away for two days spending time at the beach which comes with its temptations. Since I was a young girl I can remember hot summer days walking to the fish n' chip shop for $2 mix. Going to the local pool meant fish n' chips for lunch. Day trip to the beach; Fish n' chips and ice creams. So here I am all of 33 years old and still when I hit the sand and see the surf there is never a question 'whats for lunch', it's straight to the local chippy. Ok here is honestly what I would normally order to the point where I could say 'the usual':

• 1 Fish


• Chips


• 1 Battered hot dog


• 1-2 Potato cakes


• maybe a dim sim


• 1 Corn dog


• all with chicken salt & sauce on the side!

My arteries ache just typing all of this out. Still for me to not have fish n' chips at the beach is like not having an umbrella in the rain. Yes you can do without it but its much nicer with it.
There I was standing at the counter gazing up at the board realizing there really isn't anything 'healthy' other than the hamburgers minus the buns and the meat!
I decided to get:

• A small chips to share and only have some


• 1 grilled piece of fish & lemon


• 1 bottle of water
  

And that was all.. I know I shouldn't have even walked into the shop however, I knew if I didn't give in to the craving I would probably have eaten twice as much later anyway or gone through KFC. (sad but very true)

My other choices while away were okay, the next day I went and ordered a salad roll instead. Lately I have noticed that I feel full quicker than usual. Must keep watching my portion size when ordering out. We tend to go out a lot for lunch or dinners and take the kids to drive ins, parks, the city etc so it really is hard to be good all the time. This is why I need to be more organised with preparing food before hand or thinking ahead instead of when I am looking at a menu or stuck for ideas for lunch. Baby steps all the way...

Negitive: I only exercised twice

Positive: I weighed in and have lost point 8 this week.

Week 2

After a computer melt down, finally I write again. Have to say it probably won't flow as well now that I have to catch up on 4 days!

Wednesday

I caught up with my friend at a shopping centre and ate from the food court which has to be one of my worst places to eat from. I decided to go with subway and ordered a 6 inch w/meal roast chicken. (no cheese, just salad & sweet chilli sce) I managed to eat it slower than normal while sipping on a bottle of water. I did however have a bite from one of the kids choc chip cookies that was left over but managed to stop at that and throw the rest in the rubbish. Phew, not so bad this time.

Thursday WEEK 2

My moods are all over the place & feeling pretty down today (oh to be a female!) and have no idea why. I have had a good couple of days but seem to just have no drive today.
Managed to do only half hour exercise, slack I know but better than sitting on my butt.
Every time I saw my reflection in a shop window or car reflection, I kept thinking 'gee girl you got a way to go yet'. I know I am just sabotaging my efforts and need to stop it.

Another reason could be due the fact that I found myself in a change room trying on bathers! Eeek
Much to my procrastination I had to do it and it wasn't pretty let me tell you..
Why?
I had rushed into our local plaza to the supermarket and on the way out noticed a stand with two ladies promoting swimming lessons. Two minutes of chatting with them and I had signed up my 20 month old daughter for a class first thing Monday morning. I had wanted to sign her up from 6 months old but put it off due to my own body issues. It's bad enough holding myself back but to hold her back from learning experiences isn't fair sooo that is how I came to standing in front of a full length not very flattering mirror.
Will wake up feeling better tomorrow I am sure. x